"I lived the majority of my twenties holding back truths in relationships. I'd hide my true intentions, I'd not tell the truth about how I was feeling because I was afraid to hurt people. I'd exclude certain information so it wasn't dishonest or lying.... Because words weren't shared right? (That's wrong by the way...)
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But you know what the outcome was? I never felt fully loved. I never allowed any of those women to see into my heart of hearts. I never shared truths with them and let them decide for themselves. I didn't believe they had the tools. How arrogant of me.
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Realistically, I didn't want them to find me out as a fraud. I didn't want to be seen as selfish. I didn't want to hurt people. And in the end, I hurt them and myself. Well, that sucked.
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The best decision I ever made was to promise myself that I would have all of the conversations I didn't want to have because those are the ones that matter. I decided to never hide my words because hiding them hid me. I decided that I was no longer a slave to my fears and the opinions of others.
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Those decisions woke me up to freedom and responsibility. They woke me up to the reality that I am the only person responsible for how I love and choose to show up. My ability to love doesn't depend on anyone, especially my partner, it depends on my ability to share the deepest parts of my soul. The parts that every cell in my body yells at me to hide.
And I choose not to. I choose love.
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We all crave unconditional love and we often complain we don't feel it from our partners and/or that it doesn't exist. Well, you can't ask of others what you don't give to yourself... If you're conditional with your words, you're conditional with your love. Share all your truths and you may just get the love you crave because you'll have given it to yourself first."
MARK GROVES @
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