"So many of us lose ourselves while in relationship. We become shape shifters and chameleons in order to try to get someone to choose us and love us. We tap into our overly empathetic part and find ways to justify, reason, and rationalize the behavior of family members so that we don’t have to be confronted by ending an unhealthy, toxic, or abusive relationship. Many of us sacrifice ourselves often. We give pieces away because we are attached to a hopeful outcome: that we are indeed worthy and lovable.
But here’s the thing, when we abandon our safety and security, when we abandon boundaries and emotional needs, when we say yes when we mean no and no when we mean yes, and when we try to pretend like we’re not affected or impacted when we actually are (the acting game is real, friends), we do a major number on ourselves.
Even if the outcome is that the relationship is still present, it doesn’t mean that you are okay. Just because you’ve found a way to “keep someone” doesn’t mean that you’re empowered, grounded, peaceful, and aligned. When you lose yourself in order to keep another there’s a double whammy happening: the loss of you AND the deep understanding that the person still wasn’t choosing or loving the real you (your system knows even if you try to convince it otherwise.) Don’t lose yourself.
No healthy relationship will ever ask you to do that. Growing and transforming yourself is empowered change. Shrinking and shape shifting yourself is disempowered change. Don’t leave yourself behind. Not ever."
- VIENNA PHARAON
Allikas: Instagram @ mindfulmft
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