"So many of us withhold information or don’t get as transparent about the things we want, what we like/don’t like, where we see ourselves, etc. We often position ourselves to not show up as authentically as we ought to for fear that the other person may leave us, not want to be with us, or that their vision doesn’t align with ours. And so we withhold information, share half truths, say we’re okay with something when we’re actually not.
When we do that, we don’t give the other person a full picture (yes, that picture can change and does change but we update it as it does). And if we don’t give them a full picture we wind up indirectly making decisions and choices for them. At the very least, we deeply influence their trajectory. Much of the time this isn’t coming from a deeply deceitful place. We’re afraid and we let fear take over in order to protect us from the threat at hand (relationship ending, not getting the outcome we want), but it’s our responsibility to be deeply connected to ourselves and then honest and transparent about that with the people who are also making just as important of decisions for their lives.
The risk? Yes, they could leave, the relationship could end, and your fears could come into place. But that is not your decision to make for another. If someone doesn’t want to be with you because you’ve been divorced before, you’re older/younger than what they want, they don’t want children and you do, they live a very different lifestyle than you do, etc, then we have to allow them their own journey. We cannot pretend, lie, withhold, or misinform another to avoid. That’s just not the path."
VIENNA PHARAON @
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